PLASTIC PARADISE Sketch
Scene: An elderly couple seated on a pretend bus.
Man: ... and it skidded? How awful.
Woman: At least whenthe omnibus hit him he was wearing clean underwear.
Man: That is a blessing.
Woman: Yes. St Peter wouldn't let him through the pearly gates wearing soiled Y-fronts.
Man: Perish the thought.
Woman: Perish the thought and may it go to Hell.
Man: Soulless.
Woman: Wicked.
Man: Evil.
Woman: Abort it.
Man: It's aborted. (Pause) Was he Christian?
Woman: Not in practice.
Man: It's the thought that counts.
Woman: That's right. I think therefore I am... a Christian.
Man: Who was it said that?
Woman: Me. Just now.
Man: No. Originally.
Woman: It might have been written on the back of a cornflakes packet. I like reading the smallprint. I once once advised to read all smallprint before parting with money.
Man: That's him. Kellog's. I think therefore I am. You like cornflakes, then?
Woman: No. I just buy them for the free gift inside.
Man: One cereal manufacturer was giving away plastic figurines of the saints.
Woman: They're an all-girl pop group, aren't they?
Man: I mean the Biblical saints.
Woman: Nothing plastic about them, dear. You are Christian aren't you?
Man: Of course. I'd show you my St Peter, but we're now outside the pearly gates. This is my stop. (Rises) You came just for the ride, eh?
Woman: Yes. Just for the ride. Hope you've clean underpants!!
CURTAIN
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