NEW ZEALAND, TEESSIDE
Scene: Two men in business suits.
1st: Middlesbrough's got a bad name. We're going to change it.
2nd: Wow. We're going to change Middlesbrough?
1st: Just the name.
2nd: Just the name?
1st: That's right. It's going to be renamed New Zealand, Teesside.
2nd: But New Zealand's a country!!
1st: And lots of people would like to go there.
2nd: Go there, yes. Not come here.
1st: It will be good for the town's image.
2nd: What's here to see?
1st: Our natural wild-life.
2nd: Rats down by the river. Straying dockland cats?
1st: Docklands don't stray.
2nd: No, but cats do.
1st: We've the natural wild-life in our parks.
2nd: kids playing truant from school you mean.
1st: We've the view of the Cleveland Hills.
2nd: Better than the view of Teesside.
1st: We've our night-life.
2nd: Miserable.
1st: We've the University.
2nd: Now there's an education.
1st: You're not from Middlesbrough are you?
2nd: No. I was born in New Zealand.
CURTAIN
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