Verses, sketches, song lyrics, articles by the thousands. Prolific Poet Capt MB

THE CHEF WORD

Scene: Gordon in his kitchen approached by tv announcer.

Gordon: What the f... you doing in my kitchen?

Announcer: Just want you and your viewers to know we're changing the name of the programme from The F Word to The Chef Word.

Gordon: You're effing joking!!

Announcer: Sorry Gordon. But chef does sound like eff. We've had complaints.

Gordon: Complaints about my cooking?

Announcer: Complaints about your effing.

Gordon: Well what do people expect? My tv show's called The F Word!!

Announcer. That's why we're changing it. Prudence Brown-Trout from the South says she doesn't tune in to hear effing filth, while Dick Head from the North says he doesn't tune in to watch cookery.

Gordon (takes swig of gin from nearby bottle): Effing hell !!

Announcer: Cheffing hell, Gordon, please.

Gordon: You can't even get my name right.

Announcer: It is Gordon Ramsbottom, isn't it?

Gordon: No you effing moron. It's Gorjon. Gorjon Ramsbottom.

Announcer: Gorge on Ramsbottom?

Gordon: That's right. You cheffing heard. Now chef off you cheffer!!

Announcer: Ok. I'm outta here you f...

CURTAIN